World on Her Shoulders
by exogenesissymph
Summary: Andrea Bendal learns what it feels like to have a crush on someone in her 1st year. 2nd year, she learns just how much it can hurt when said someone has his fingers laced with another girl's. She learns how to resist the urge to carry the world on her shoulders her 4th year, and in her 5th, how to kiss a boy who tastes like flying.
1. Part I

**Dedication:**

 **This story is for Daisy, my lovely cousin who has a birthday today! I'm so sorry this stupid thing took me so long to finish.**

 **Disclaimer!**

* * *

[i.

 _I don't specifically remember the day I first saw them, the day I first saw_ him _. As in, there isn't a date marked into my heart and then I started counting the days, dividing my life into a clear 'before' and 'after'._

 _I knew, however, that they, that he, was special. He was the beginning somehow._

 _Which he? That's a good question._

* * *

If Andrea Bendal were the type to count dates, she would say: _21 days after, and my life is completely changed._ But, alas, little Andrea was not one for counting dates. So instead she reviewed with amazement the past three weeks setting foot in a new world since a small brown owl tapped on her bedroom window with its beak and delivered her own Hogwarts letter.

It would be incorrect to say that before her eleventh birthday, Andrea had never known about the Wizarding World. Her _oh-so-amazing_ older sister was already a fifth year prefect of the very same house Andrea herself had been fortunately/unfortunately sorted into: Gryffindor.

The former was the opinion of the others at the table of red and gold. Apparently Gryffindor had all the cool people. The latter was her own opinion. She didn't want to walk behind her own sister (who apparently was one of the _cool_ people), and be reminded of how awesome a student, how awesome a friend and just how _perfect_ Katherine Bendal was, and how they pretty much expected nothing less from the younger Bendal.

 _How hard is it to have a life where_ I'm _the one shining?_

But those selfish thoughts: wanting a life where everyone loved her, where she had a perfect family, when she was someone worth mentioning in her school... All of those thoughts were quickly put away, because Andrea had long ago accepted with a sigh, that her life wasn't under the shining spotlight. While Katie was success and glorified at Hogwarts, busy ditching the family that raised her, Andrea was the one quietly resolving her family problems, burdened with responsibilities that an eleven year-old should not have heard of.

Andrea's mother was a pretty Muggle woman who snagged the heart of her dad (and a lot of other men, more than Andrea would like to know about). They were in love, they got married, and they made children. Like all the Wizard and Muggle love stories, her dad chose to abandon his magic. His wand, along with his real identity, were never revealed to her mother, instead gathered dust in an abandoned drawer locked up in the attic.

They were a loving family, happy and whole.

Until Katherine Bendal's eleventh birthday. Her mother freaked out, packed, and left.

Fiddling with her broom on the Quidditch pit, Andrea felt a little guilty about leaving her dad alone at home. But her dad had told her she needed to get a Wizarding education. She needed to learn to be a witch. She needed to embrace her own life, and accept her magic.

Then she looked up, and saw _him_.

There was something about him that differentiated him from the other third years floating around on the opposite end of the Quidditch pitch. There was something about the way he was lounging on his broom, floating in the shade with a quiet presence, enjoying the shade and his solitude that caught and captured her attention.

It was their last flying lesson, and Madam Bell planned something important and _fun_.

Hmm. Maybe she was supposed to listen, but her mind created a foggy barrier and distorted Madam's voice until it was in the background with the birds and wind.

Her eyes kept flitting back to the boy in the shadows. He was stealing her attention even though he had no intent of doing so and attention was probably not the first thing he wanted. Andrea couldn't help but notice the shadow on his face, his closed eyes, and his tired yet peaceful expression on his face. She studied him, pressing his red hair and pale face into her mind so she could recognize him in the halls.

"Miss Bendal!" Andrea started and tuned in at the mention of her name. "You'll make a good Chaser. You can join the white team." Madam Bell spelled Andrea's uniform white us Andrea shuffled over to join her teammates.

 _Me? A Chaser?_

Andrea liked flying. She wasn't very good at it, but she liked it. There wasn't a specific position she liked to play, given that she didn't have much experience.

The two times Andrea participated in Quidditch were both after her mother left. Andrea's dad decided to give his two children a more magical childhood, and so reconnected with some of his old Hogwarts friends. One of them was Oliver Wood, Quidditch addict. Mr. Wood had two sons and one daughter. The daughter and eldest son already graduated from Hogwarts, while the youngest son, Elijah Wood was a fifth year Gryffindor, 4 years older than Andrea.

When she played with that family of Quidditch maniacs, they though it important that she knew how to handle Bludgers. ( _So you can protect yourself_ , Mr. Wood had said.)

Oh well, it's not like the two times she played with the Woods she got attached to the position anyway.

Andrea hefted the school broom (a Nimbus Starstreak) onto her shoulder and waited for Madam Bell to finish dividing the class and ask the boys to clear out the other half of the pitch. They swooshed out, but remained by the watching stands.

 _Do third years have so much freedom they have no other place to go?_

But she didn't mind them staying. Them staying meant Shadow Boy stayed, too. Andrea suddenly felt energetic and eager to finish her flying lessons with a flourish.

Later, Andrea learned from her new friend and dorm mate Abby, that Shadow Boy was Louis Weasley, current beater of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and nephew of the Boy-Who-Lived-Then-Died-Then-Lived-Again.

The rest of first year passed in a blur, the only clear image was a pale boy with red hair, standing tall and clean in his Gryffindor uniform. Louis Weasley in the library, Louis Weasley in the dining hall, Louis Weasley in the Gryffindor common room, yes, it was certain, Andrea Bendal fancied him.

Her favorite moments during her first year was the Gryffindor Quidditch games. In the massive throng of students donning golden and scarlet scarves, eyes trained on their Quidditch team, she didn't stand out. She cheered and whooped along with the crowd when Eli led offensive plays forward with the Quaffle in possession and scored yet another 10 points for Gryffindor. Secretly, though, the reason she liked those Quidditch games so much was because the beaters, James Potter and _Louis Weasley,_ were huge show-offs when it came to their Beating skills. After a successful hit, they each got a little crazier on the pitch, their grins a little more wild.

If Gryffindor won, the two of them would rocket around the pitch, chasing one another, flipping in the air, filling the entire Quidditch pitch with their maniacal laughter.

The sight of the cousins spreading their joy across the yard lifted Andrea's heart and the corners of her lips into a wide grin.

[ii.

Andrea expected a lot of success in her second year. As a second year Hogwarts student, there still weren't many parties she could attend, but there was a great addition to her extracurricular activities. Quidditch. Andrea needed to make the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

She knew she could. Three great players graduated last year, leaving open two chaser spots and the seeker position. Andrea took Madam Bell's advice and started running some chaser drills at home during summer. She asked her practically-older-brother, Elijah Wood, to help her take the good chaser qualities Madam Bell found in Andrea and sharpen them.

Eli was made that year's Gryffindor Quidditch Captain and Andrea didn't know what that meant about her chances, but she knew she definitely needed to win by her own merits. There was no way she could impress Louis if she was horrible at the game but somehow on the team.

So it was a good thing Eli was also a chaser. His parents both played for Puddlemere United. (Though Oliver insisted that Andrea was better off playing beater, and he had no idea what Katie Bell was thinking when she said Andrea could play Chaser.)

Over the summer, Andrea was constantly at Eli's house, practicing and practicing. With the amount of time she spent under the sun, Andrea's skin tanned and turned a healthier shade than the pale ghost look she had. Her russet hair lightened in the sunlight and became a mess of curls that people could start generalizing as red, which annoyed her.

Eli himself was actually quite nervous about picking a new team and being the captain when he was only a fifth year. His dad also became Quidditch captain when he was in fifth year, but didn't win until his seventh year. All of this, Eli told her with a nervous smile. He wanted to do better than his dad, but for that he needed a good team.

"I worry I'm going to be biased," he told her one day, after they finished drills.

"Biased about what?"

"Well I already know a couple of people trying out next year and if I pick them other people will think that it's less about their skill."

"So why don't you ask the opinion of your teammates? The ones who are returning? If you agree with their choice nod your head yes and if not, just overrule them!"

Eli's face looked thoughtful in the light of the setting summer sun, and Andrea was surprised he didn't think of that plan on his own.

[iii.

 _I guess I just wanted to be closer to him. Even though he was a star I couldn't reach, being closer to him sounded comforting. Some people say it's an obsession, but I'm just like a lost moth that is drawn to his light. Hey, even being part of his huge family would be nice. His family is so large already, they wouldn't mind another person, another tagalong, right? I'm just a lost moth drawn to his warmth, just a moth flying away from my own chilly home, attracted to the flames._

 _I didn't quite know why I befriend his cousin, Lily. Some might say that it was an act, it was me trying to get a good word in, or something. I'm like, sure, that's a great plus, but you need to remember that I didn't even know the excited little bunny that burst into my compartment was in fact Lily Luna Potter, younger cousin of Louis Weasley._

* * *

Andrea was visualizing a Quidditch drill in her head while drumming her fingers on the windowsill when the ginger intruder burst into her compartment. _Quidditch. Quaffle. Catch. Throw._ Andrea imagined herself flying, turning and flipping in the air over and over again. It was a little like having a song stuck in your head- you repeat it over and over until you tire; only that Andrea repeated images, memories of herself flying, instead of tunes and words. Repetition helped her remember.

Her compartment was empty, holding only herself and her belongings, but Andrea was one of the first to board the train, having arrived earlier with Eli's family, and didn't really have anyone to look for or say goodbye to.

She didn't want to sit with Eli or Katie. They were fifth years and both had friends they were too close to for Andrea to feel comfortable impose on.

Andrea expected some other people to arrive and ask to share, but she did not expect that someone to be Lily Potter.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there. Can we sit here? There's nobody else, right? I hope not, there aren't many compartments left. All the rest are either full or have older kids in it. Hugo here and I even accidentally walked into the prefect cart and found the Head Girl and Boy snogging." At this, both the talking girl and her friend, or maybe they were related, seeing as they both had ginger hair that was quite red, Hugo, sniggered.

Hugo plopped himself down on the seat facing Andrea, even though Andrea didn't say anything about her loneliness and how she just needed two first year kids to cheer her up.

It was funny. Andrea never really considered herself a people-person, but here she was, discussing the latest novel (which she knew nothing about) with a newly made friend. Were her Gryffindor qualities finally erupting?

Lily was a talkative and bubbly little girl. The three of them spent most of the train ride talking about little things that happened at home, funny anecdotes, a stranger would have thought they've known each other forever and was sharing summer adventures, not getting to know each other for the first time.

Andrea gave out some tips for surviving the first year. She knew from experience that between homework and drama first year was energy draining, but you had to learn to handle it, she concluded, because first year was probably the least dramatic and most fun. It just gets harder from there.

Andrea chewed on her lip. _Well, I guess to a small first year, the small episodes between friends will probably also seem 'life altering'. Sure felt like that last year._

Finally, after they all changed into their uniforms, the conversation topic changed course and they started talking about Houses. The topic was bound to come up in any train ride with first years concerned.

Hugo piped up, "I don't really care what House I get in. I mean, Gryffindor would be nice, Ravenclaw would be okay, my sister is in that house, though, I dunno if I'd make it. Hufflepuff is okay, too. Slytherin-"

Hugo paused here, and shared a look with Lily. Andrea worried that they had something against Slytherin, and was like her roommate Morgan Thomas. Morgan Thomas had a strong, burning hatred for the House of the Snakes. The first night Andrea had to share a dorm with her, Morgan introduced herself by declaring that if any Gryffindor didn't treat Slytherins like they were trash (because they are, she added), they were a traitor to their house and should be kicked out.

Andrea rolled her eyes right there and right then, introduced herself by saying: "Hello. Andrea Bendal. That's rubbish. Haven't you heard? There's this thing that's promoted pretty much everywhere here at Hogwarts. It's called inter-house unity. G'night." Then Andrea plopped down on her bed and started preparing for sleep.

Morgan then shrieked, "But that's it! Slytherin shouldn't be a house. Slytherin doesn't _deserve_ to be united with the rest of Hogwarts!"

At this point, the girl who would later become Andrea's best friend drew herself up to her full height of 4'8'' and said, "I'm Abby Capra, and I would watch my mouth if I were you. I have a Slytherin twin brother, and he does _not_ like it when anybody denigrates him." She smirked. The corners of her mouth lifted into a dangerous smirk. A Slytherin smirk. A smirk that implied whatever happened, nasty consequences would follow. It might have been the lighting in the dorm, the way it shone on Abby's smirking face, or maybe it was the way Abby talked, the way she used words beyond her age; but her tiny figure of 140 centimeters felt intimidating.

Morgan quickly shrank, and the last of roommates, a thin girl with a head of dirty blonde curls quickly cut in, "I'm Jenna Wiles, and how about we just all go to sleep? We have our first day of classes tomorrow. No good walking in tired."

Lily continued, "Well, Slytherin isn't all that bad, we have a cousin there, but Hugh and I kinda decided that we aren't really Slytherin people." Andrea nodded. She could understood not-really-Slytherin people.

Andrea then went on asking their opinions on Hufflepuff. (Maybe. Hugh might be a Hufflepuff. He's a little shy sometimes. We have a few cousins there. They are a pretty nice lot, those Hufflepuffs.) Then they discussed the house of the brains. (Lily: Nooo, I wouldn't want to be stuck in Ravenclaw studying all day. Hugo: Rose is the brains of the family. It would be weird if I was sorted in Ravenclaw, too. It's already annoying enough during breaks where the Ravenclaw cousins come back and ramble on and on about random arithmetic equations.) And finally, Gryffindor. (Lily: It'll be great if we were sorted into Gryffindor! Most of the family is in Gryffindor, and so are you! Hugo: Yeah! Gryffindor sounds fun. The Gryffindor cousins are always up to something or the other.)

"So, large family, huh?"

Lily gasped, "You mean you don't know?"

Andrea frowned a little. "Know? Are you famous?" She wondered if their family was some celebrity family. "I don't really keep up with celebrities and that stuff."

Hugo fidgeted, "Well, when you didn't react when we told you our names, we figured you just didn't care about that stuff."

Lily grimaced. "I'm Lily _Potter._ He's Hugo _Weasley_." She then stared at Andrea and waited for her to catch on.

Andrea nodded slowly, taking it in. She didn't care much that they were the children of war heroes, something more important mattered. Leaning forward, she said to Lily, "So I'm guessing you're the youngest of the bunch?" They nodded.

She winced, "That must be hard. I only have one older sister and I already feel uncomfortable with her achievements."

Lily nodded in agreement, "I know! There's James, horribly smart and ambitious, especially good at potions which dad says is because of my grandmother; Fred, the ultimate prankster and the _best_ at Charms; Louis is absolutely ruthless at Quidditch, but it's okay. We're pretty used to this. Oh! And there's Teddy! How can I forget Teddy? Even if he's only an honorary cousin he…"

Lily kept talking, but Andrea stopped paying attention after Lily got to Louis. Of course. Louis.

Andrea was then glad that Lily Potter was such a chatterbox, she was left to her own thoughts for a while. She nodded every now and then, drumming her fingers on the windowsill to a rhythm only she could hear.

 _Louis,_ she smiled involuntarily.

[iv.

 _Pass. Catch. Watch the curve of the wrist. Cut. Catch. Pass. Shoot. Score._

The closer it was to the Gryffindor Quidditch tryouts, the more energy Andrea had. Whenever she thought about tryouts, she was at first excited—people would finally see her fly after all her practice! It was like the debuting of a new artwork. Then she felt sick. A nausea that stemmed from her stomach and expanded until it took hold of her body. That sickness rooted her to the ground, and she froze, wanting to back up instead of move forward. She knew that couldn't be healthy.

Sometimes she had nightmares about flying. She had the Quaffle, and was about to kick off, but she remained stuck to the ground, and she would stumble and start crying. And it was horrifyingly real. Nightmares always had a way of feeling sharper and more vivid than happy dreams. There was grass stuck to her uniform; her hair was messy; the sky was grey; the clouds hung low; the air was humid; there were people surrounding her; closing in, pointing at her and would shake his head, disappointed. Louis Weasley would walk away. The people moved closer, shouting at her, and she felt compressed-like she was standing in a plastic mold that pressed down on her. She couldn't breathe, couldn't stand, and couldn't talk. There was nothing she could do but watch the scene unfold. She couldn't even wake up, sometimes.

When she did wake up, after finding the courage to pull herself out of the nightmare, she would be sweating, her hair a mess, and her hands balled into fists around her sheets. Pale light would be shining through the window, so she knew it was almost morning. The last time that happened, she woke Abby up.

"Abby? Abby!" She half whispered towards Abby's four-poster.

The lump under the blankets rolled over, facing Andrea, and suddenly blinked her eyes open.

"Yeah?" She asked, perfectly conscious. It was like there was no in between stage for Abby. She was never groggy, just either asleep, or awake.

Andrea unclenched her hands from her bed sheets and told her: "I've been having nightmares. About Quidditch." She clenched her hands again. "I'd fail, and everyone would be so disappointed in me."

Abby only shook her head. "Rea, think about it. This is going to be _your_ Quidditch tryout. You don't have to please them. You're doing this for you. Screw Louis and screw the team. Go out there and fly. If you're good enough, you're good enough. If you're not, then you never have been, and so what? I don't care."

Andrea thought about this, turned it over in her mind for a bit. Then she decided to try to close her eyes and see if sleep would reclaim her. The tryouts were today.

Abby had her own mantra. What will be, will be. What is done, is done. To be honest, sometimes it made her a little lazy. She didn't bother dwelling on mistakes made. Like if she took a wrong turn and ended up in the wrong place, she gave no thought to analyzing where she went wrong but only to look for the right path again. She hated "You should've"s. When anyone said that to her, be it me, our classmates, or her mother, she'd snap, "Well, I know what I should've done, but we can't change that now, can we?" Abby was all about looking at the future.

 _What she said that morning comforted me. My own Quidditch tryout was my own. If I didn't make it, I didn't make it. But I know I tried. And that was what mattered. I went back to sleep. And in those few hours between our short conversation and 7:00 AM, my dreams were peaceful. And it was a while before I dreamt of Quidditch again._

* * *

Transfiguration was boring.

Andrea Bendal had mastered the art of turning a simple twig into a bowl a long time ago. But apparently, the same could not be said for her classmates. A lot of her classmates.

Because this was a review class, and a lot of people were struggling, no one was paying her any attention. Not even Professor Patil, who said that Andrea had a talent for transfiguration.

 _I don't_ care _if I have a talent for transfiguration. It's not interesting._ Andrea thought as she waved her wand lazily, changing the bowl back into a twig. And then back again. And again.

She was trying not to think about what would happen once this class ended. Transfiguration was the last class of the third Wednesday into school for Gryffindor second years. Meaning Quidditch tryouts were next. Andrea was itching to get on her new Starfox and fly a quick lap or two around the pitch, picking up speed and forgetting all the negative feelings, boredom, and nervousness.

She snuck a look at the clock. Seven more minutes…

Bowl. Twig. Quill. Bowl. Fork. Glasses.

5 more minutes…

Fork. Quill. Needle. Twig. Match. Parchment.

3 more minutes…

Twig. Bowl. Fork. Parchment. Bowl. Twi-

Professor Patil stood up, and clapped twice for attention.

 _Finally!_ Andrea sighed and put her wand down as Professor Patil began to conclude the lesson.

"Ahem. I was forced today to give another review lesson for those of you whom seem to have forgotten everything I taught you last year," she stopped and looked pointedly at a couple of students. "But I am determined to move along next lesson. In order to make sure that all of you have understood this first year content, I expect a full foot on the Magical Theory of Basic Transfiguration. Now, I'd like the students with whom I talked to come meet me."

Abby started to stand up. Andrea wasn't really surprised. Her best friend wasn't exactly the best at Transfiguration. Abby looked at her, then shrugged and stuck her tongue out. It was her apology at going to have to miss a little of Andrea's tryout. Then she gave Andrea a thumbs-up, wishing her luck. Andrea grinned back. Her entire body surged with the energy and excitement she lacked the entire Transfiguration class.

It was decided. While Andrea wasn't as talented for Quidditch, she had passion, a passion she didn't have for Transfiguration.

 _Goodbye, Transfiguration,_ she thought, _Hello, Quidditch._

* * *

Andrea held her Starfox as she stood on the edge of the Quidditch pitch, looking out at everyone from the shade of the stands. There was quite a lot of people who'd decided they would stand a chance at the Quidditch team now that they were missing two Chasers and one Seeker. Boys, girls, second years, fifth years- they were all here.

Taking deep and even breaths, she tried to focus on keeping herself calm. She was stalling, and kind of in denial that the Quidditch tryouts were going to start anytime soon. She'd just concentrate keeping her mind blank until Eli told them to take off. Once she was in the air, she knew she would be fine.

 _In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Deep breath. In. Ou—_

"Rea!" A bright a cheery voice called out to her, interrupting her successful session of focusing on breathing. Andrea turned and looked towards the voice, and saw a petite red-head who was already talking a mile a minute. Next to her was an older girl, tall, blond, and pretty. Andrea smiled. Talking to Lily could distract her for a while. Lily was always so bright, optimistic and cheery Andrea couldn't help but feel reassured.

Hugo was nowhere in sight, which confused her until she remembered that Hugo wasn't a Gryffindor. In the end, the Sorting Hat put Lily in Gryffindor as soon as it touched her head. Lily was welcomed with thunderous applause. Half of the noise was made, no doubt, by her large extended family. The Hat took a while longer for Hugo, though. It didn't seem to think that the quieter, shyer shadow of Lily was a Gryffindor. Instead, after consideration, Hugo was sent to Hufflepuff.

"Rea!" She squealed, attacking her with a hug. "I didn't know you were trying out!"

Andrea frowned. "I didn't tell you? I must have forgotten." That was probably true. In the past few weeks, Andrea got nervous and sick whenever Quidditch was brought up. So she tried to avoid talking about it completely. "I'm trying for Chaser," she added.

The taller blond girl said immediately, "Really? Me, too!" Andrea looked at her. Now that they were closer, Andrea could see the details of her profile. The blond girl had clear skin, pale lips, blond hair that was more white than yesterday—a little like the Malfoys', in fact. Her most noticeable feature, however, were her eyes. The girl had huge, clear, green eyes. They were like pools of emerald, so large and mesmerizing it was surreal.

They weren't creepy, like some pictures Andrea spotted in her Mother's muggle magazines. Those girls had unnaturally large eyes that made them resemble dolls. This girl's eyes were pretty, and soft. They were the playful eyes of an older sister, unlike Katie's. Hers were all narrowed and glaring.

Lily then stepped between them to introduce. "Andrea Bendal, June White. June White, Andrea Bendal."

June smiled, and held out a hand. "Hi. I'm a fourth year. My friends finally got me to try out. I guess I'm a little excited."

Andrea returned the smile, and shook her hand. "I'm a second year. I'm excited too, but also a little nervous. Are you good?"

"I guess you could say that. My friends have been trying to get me to try out since second year. I agreed this time only because I think I can make it. That, and I lost a bet. But now I'm thinking maybe trying out isn't that bad of an idea."

"Oh. Are your friends here?" Andrea thought of Abby, who was probably still getting chewed out by Patil.

June laughed, "They kind of have to be. They're already on the team and have to help assess the new players."

They continued chatting, making small talk and making friends among the Quidditch team hopefuls. They compared brooms, favorite teams, and stories. Andrea decided that she liked June. She was nice, and even only having known her for a short while, under ten minutes, Andrea found herself liking her and opening up to her.

"Hello everyone! I'm Eli Wood, captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. If you are trying out for Chaser please move to my left, if you are trying out for Seeker please move to take a seat on a bench- we will be trying out Chasers first, and if you are not trying out at all please move to take a seat in the stands."

Andrea took her place in the line of Chasers with June while Lily waved and scampered off to find a seat. She scanned the stands one last time for Abby, and she spotted the short dark-haired girl just as she plopped down in a seat, smiling at her. Andrea smiled back. Abby must have ran all the way from the Transfiguration classroom to the Quidditch pitch.

With one final deep breath, Andrea settled in line, and waited for the whistle that signaled take-off.

* * *

"How do you feel you did?" Abby asked Andrea as they walked away from the finished tryouts.

"I was really relaxed once I got up in the air, and I think I did okay. My aim was a little off but I think Fred is just such a good Keeper. A lot of people actually did worse than I did. I don't know… I was just happy to be flying."

It was true. Once she was in the air with the Quaffle in her hands, she was reminded of why she loved the game. The excitement, the adrenaline, the feeling of shooting across the sky, wind whipping through her hair…

Andrea suddenly stopped.

"I forgot! I need to go talk to Eli. I didn't say a single thing to him throughout tryouts." She started to turn away, but paused, looking at Abby, "You don't mind, right?"

Abby shook her head. She made a face, "I have this horrible extra Transfiguration assignment to do, anyway." She eyed Andrea's broom. "Do you want me to take that for you? I'll put it in the case."

Andrea grinned and dropped her broom into Andrea's waiting hand. "Thanks, Abby! You're the best! See you at dinner in a while!" she waved, then turned and walked back to the Quidditch pitch.

The Quidditch pitch was pleasantly quiet and empty when Andrea arrived. Eli was nowhere in sight. Quickly scanning the stands, Andrea decided that he must have left.

"Berdichevsky, definitely!" A muffled voice sounded from the end of the pitch, behind the doors to the Quidditch storage shed.

 _Ah, there's where he is._ Andrea walked closer towards the shed, picking up pieces of conversation as she got closer.

"Mmhun. I agree. He'd … replacement for Ellington." That was Eli's voice. Was there someone else in there with him?

"Okay … Chasers? I saw… June… fast reaction… got talent." There was definitely another person in there with him.

"But Fred," A new voice began. Understanding dawned within Andrea. This was Eli talking about the hopefuls with his teammates. "This other girl…"

"Andrea Bendal, right?"

The boy confirmed.

Andrea held back a gasp of surprise. They were talking about _her_? She leaned in closer. The voices were still a little muffled, but now she could hear complete sentences.

"That redhead," Andrea swallowed the urge to snap that her hair was russet, not red. "She also flew really well."

A third voice interrupted, "But she is not as talented as June. Her reaction and aiming were both a little off. She only made 8 out of 10 shots. Plus, the way she flew showed that she clearly—"

The voice earlier intruded, "She clearly is a passionate flyer. That's what we need. We need passion on this team. Also, she wasn't that bad, certainly better than most of the other people trying out."

The other guy sighed, "Are you really sure passion is what we should put first on our priority list? For example, I'm clearly the most talented beater. You're the one with more _passion_ , as you call it. You play well, but only well enough to defend our team. You don't have the strength to threaten the other team. We need talent. I say June White is the better choice."

The first speaker huffed. At this point, Andrea was a little curious. She knew that the two arguing were the beaters. One of them was Louis. Was Louis the one supporting her or belittling her? She couldn't really tell.

"Passion is what makes you get better at the game! You have to be willing to learn and improve. You have to love the game to play well. You forget that half a beater's role is to protect their teammates from the other team's attack. I may not have the strength you do, but I sure do the other half of the role well." Someone slammed the table, Andrea assumed for dramatic effect. "Fred, Eli, what do you want more, a talented player who is so good she doesn't need to learn, or a passionate player who I bet will be eager to do anything for the game?"

Eli spoke, "I think that you both forget, James, Louis, that we have room for two new Chasers on our team. Why don't we add both June White and Andrea Bendal to the team, then observe over the year to see which of you ended up correct? Berdichevski would do fine for the Seeker position. Settled?"

The three other voices replied in the affirmative.

"Okay. Let's move. I bet dinner is almost starting. I'm starving."

Footsteps sounded, and then there was noise of pushing a table away. Andrea quickly moved away from the shed then positioned herself so she looked like she just got here.

The door opened, and Eli walked out, followed by Fred, James, and Louis.

"Oh hey, Eli! I was just looking for you." Andrea feigned surprise.

James's surprise was genuine. He looked at Eli, then at Andrea. "You know the redhead?"

"It's russet." James looked at her quizzically. Andrea explained with a sigh, "My hair is russet, not red."

"Is there a difference?" He asked, grinning.

" _Obviously._ " She sniffed, a little annoyed. Was James the one who attacked instead of defended? She'd have to pay more attentions during games.

He only grinned wider, and reached to tug one of her curls as he walked past. "Kidd-ing!" He sang softly.

Andrea couldn't help staring as the dark-haired boy walked away, followed by his two cousins.

It wasn't until after she thanked Eli and he congratulated her on a successful tryout and she wandered over to dinner did she realize that Louis Weasley was present the entire exchange, but she didn't even notice or stutter or blush or feel butterflies. That was most peculiar.

[v.

Second year zoomed by like a Seeker on the tail of the snitch.

Andrea still didn't know what to do when Louis walked down the hallway. Her steps became stiffer, she had to force herself to walk naturally. One step forward at a time she forced herself to feel normal. Why was it that one simple glance on the Quidditch pitch almost two years ago altered the way she would look at the older boy for this long?

Quidditch practices were both heaven and hell. It was nice to take time off from school work, responsibilities, and forget about the drama for those few hours in the air.

But the down side is, she couldn't even look at the beaters' direction. James and Louis were a deadly pair and she hated the feeling of the lack of the air in her system because she needed to breathe—large gulps and frequent gulps of fresh air—or else she felt like she'd suffocate right there out in the open on the Quidditch pitch.

To occupy herself, she tried to focus entirely on practicing with Eli and June. It was good that they made it so easy. Eli was familiar, and June was nothing but sweet and likable.

Andrea liked to think that she was a decent chaser. But the thing is, when compared to June, the voice in the shed started to prove itself right. June was the amazing chaser. Andrea was… the younger chaser who's mediocre. Throw by throw, she tried to correct herself, improve her technique. She always stayed a bit after practice, throwing free-throws.

It was during those throws she noticed a pattern. After James, Eli, Fred and Louis wrestled the Bludgers back in their cases; Berdichevsky caught the practice Snitches and put them away; Eli hurrying away to finish an unfinished essay, James and Fred heading to do whatever fifth year boys did, Louis always lagged behind a little.

She was curious, but not for long.

As she touched down one night, Quaffle in hands, deciding she was done for the night, she saw the shadow of two figures, standing a little too closely by the Quidditch shed. Her gut knew the truth before she was willing to accept it.

Step by step, she approached the shed. Each step was tentative, as if there was a delicate barrier between her fantasies and the reality she was going to have to accept. Slowly but surely. Slowly but surely.

 _It was just a fancy_.

 _I'm actually glad it's over now._

 _I don't want there to be any awkwardness on the team._

 _Can I even say I liked him?_

 _I don't even know him that well._

Quietly, Andrea finished her approach towards the couple. Clutching her broom, she could see, even in the dim light of the evening, red hair she was bewitched by, and the long, flowing, blond hair that brightened even the gloomiest April.

Their hands were clasped, and their fingers laced together, completing the union of the two hands. Standing there, watching them, Louis and June, Andrea found that she did not have the heart and energy to be frustrated at them. Louis was a real person, after all, and not just the shadow of a boy on the Quidditch pitch she saw a year ago.

A small smile graced her lips and, shuffling to put her equipment away, she wished them happiness.

* * *

"Abby, I think June and Louis are going out."

Abby's response was a harsh gasp, complete with widened eyes, mouth hanging open. "What are you going to do?" she cried.

Andrea smoothed her russet waves over her shoulder. "Nothing," she replied. "I'm tired. Dad is stressed over his work, and I wanted to take care of him, but he insisted I go spend the summer with my mother." She frowned, wrinkling her eyebrows and pressing her mouth into a grim line. "I suppose he'll be fine."

Abby paused in her scribbling, looking Andrea straight in the eye with her dark blue orbs. "But don't you feel… let down?"

Andrea considered this, studying the ceiling. Then, with a bitter smile, she agreed, "It feels like an entire section of my heart has disappeared. Not ripped away, just… dissolved. Like it was never there in the first place. But I know it was there. Because now there is an uncomfortable air bubble, and it seems impossible to pop even with all the things I've been telling myself."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "But enough with the drama. Do you have those DADA notes on those pixies? I completely spaced out and now I have no idea what to write."

Abby looked in her book bag. Then under the parchments on the desk, and even bending down to examine the floor beneath the table. Finally, with a guilty grin, she confessed, "I think I left it in the library. I've been writing my essay from memory."

Resisting the urge to bang her head on the desk from Abby's genuine talent in DADA, she restrained herself to a simple roll of the eyes and an "I'll go fetch it."

Abby tilted her head, worried. "But it's almost curfew!" she protested.

Andrea sighed. "I'll be fine… If only a certain someone didn't leave it there in the first place," she grumbled.

Abby looked sheepish, but managed, "If only a certain someone actually took their own DADA notes…" But Andrea was already half a leg outside the portrait wall.

* * *

Humming a tune she was making up as she went, Andrea walked down the dark corridor leisurely with Abby's notes tucked under her arm. She made it just before the library closed up. If she didn't hurry, she was positive she wouldn't make in time for curfew. But Andrea needed the time and space to think. Alone.

There was something about silence and darkness that blinded your eyes and deafened your ears to the images and sounds of the mortal world. Instead, silence and darkness gave you time and opportunity to think about what was going on inside of you. That tiny voice usually suppressed during the day? Night is its opportunity to be heard.

Her shoes stalked the cold stone floor. There really was only one thing her voice was telling her. That she lost something valuable, even if it appears that she never had it in the first place.

 _Sniff._

She was obviously alone in the hallways of Hogwarts after curfew. But there was a small sniffle that was echoed and amplified but the icy and unfeeling stones. At first she thought she was the source of the sniffle, but her eyes were still dry and her nose wasn't stuffy.

The noise was coming from a broom closet to her right. Andrea approached it quietly, afraid of startling whoever was crying. She tried the mahogany door, and unsurprisingly, it was locked. Andrea waved her wand with a simple _alohomora,_ and then slowly opened the closet to find a tiny curled up figure sniffling.

"Hello?" Andrea called into the dark space, "Are you okay?"

The figure shifted and the wavering light provided by the magical hallway candles illuminated familiar blinking brown eyes and wavy red hair.

"Lily?" Andrea called out into the dark closet, "It's me, Andrea."

Lily opened her arms, inviting Andrea inside. Andrea crawled in, only after a millisecond of hesitation. She's already out past curfew, what was breaking the rule a little more?

After settling in the somewhat cramped closet with Lily, wishing she read ahead and looked at the expansion spells; Andrea asked, "What's wrong, Lily?"

The small girl clung to Andrea's vest and buried her face in her shoulder. Andrea soothed her with simple words and by rubbing her back.

"Love sucks," Lily mumbled into Andrea's uniform.

"Tell me about it," Andrea replied, thinking about her own unrequited feelings and marveling at the coincidence.

"I mean, I realize that I don't have any say over who he likes, especially if I haven't said anything to him about my feelings… But it feels like he destroyed the whole thing by going and acting so friendly with someone else! Like he destroyed something that belonged to me, only."

"I think," Andrea began carefully, only a small part of her commenting how Lily was only a first year and already having these dramatics, "that if we all keep our feelings secret, we won't be able to keep up with what is happening. We will slowly fall in love with that secret sanctuary built from fantasies, and forget the person who the affections were originally for."

 _I'm one to talk._

"Tell him," Andrea continued, "the worst he can do is reject you, something I bet he will regret in another year or two, and even if he does, I'll always be here. Okay?"

Lily sniffled and nodded.

Later, two Hufflepuff prefects, no one Lily was related to, thankfully, found them and sent them back to their dorms, though not before deducting five points from Gryffindor. As she lay in bed, Andrea thought about all the fuss, the drama, and the tears, before deciding that it was just not worth it. She'd forget Louis and keep to herself, cleaning up the messes other people leave behind them. If only she could heal the whole world with advice she herself doesn't even follow and simple circles on the back.

[vi.

The next morning she woke up with a stiff neck.

Abby was already up and dressed, yanking a comb through her dark hair, walking around their dorm, muttering about how she couldn't find her Herbology textbook. Morgan was still sleeping, and Jenna was brushing her teeth in the bathroom.

With a groan, Andrea rolled out of bed, careful not to kill her neck. She gathered all her clothes and set them beside her, waiting for Jenna to finish using the bathroom. The clock said she had an hour and a half before her first class, Potions. Sighing, she gathered her textbooks and essays for the day. She glanced out their window—it was an overcast, grey day threatening to rain.

 _What a great day to be moody._

Breakfast was typical. There was the usual gossip from the older kids, the upcoming Spring Ball was all everyone could talk about.

"I heard Louis Weasley asked June White to the Ball."

"No kidding? Lucky June."

"Well he is pretty handsome, though personally, redheads just aren't my type."

Andrea snuck a look at where Louis was sitting with June. They looked especially…couple like.

"So, did you find the notes in the end?" Abby asked.

Andrea allowed herself to be distracted, "Yeah. I got them. I got caught by some perfects, though." She omitted the part about Lily, even though it was only because she stopped to look for her did she get caught.

Reminded of Lily, Andrea glanced around, looking for the youngest Weasley, and found her sitting with Hugo and some of his Hufflepuff friends. She seemed to be focusing entirely on a blond, who wasn't even doing most of the talking, and Andrea wondered if that was who Lily was talking about yesterday.

* * *

"Hey, Russet." A voice greeted her in the library.

She turned away from the shelf of books on Potions she was examining to find one James Sirius Potter standing behind her. In the four months they've spent together on one team, Andrea could count the times he'd called her by her real name on one hand. She was starting to regret, just a little, making that comment about her hair color.

"Um, hi?"

"Listen, I just wanted to thank you for what you did yesterday in the halls for Lily." James said.

"She told you?" Andrea was surprised. Maybe things were different in the Potter household, but there was no way Andrea would tell Katie anything at all.

"Well, not really. But I do keep an eye on her. She seemed lighter this morning and Vincent, one of my friends and one of the Hufflepuff prefects, told me what happened."

"Oh. Uh, you're welcome. I just did what I thought would help, you know, listen to what was going on and, uh, being there." Andrea felt her face flush as she willed her mouth to stop moving and stay shut.

James quirked a bemused smile before nodding towards the bookshelf she was previously examining, and asked, "Are you having trouble with Potions? I could probably help you with it."

She couldn't help the small smile that graced her face, "Even when I'm writing a summarization essay on the theories of all the potions we've covered so far in second year for extra credit?"

He made a face, "Extra credit? You should be in Ravenclaw." But then he stepped forward and ran his fingers over the spines of the old books before landing on one, "Good for you that I know this amazing book all about Potion theory. Petra Alburn. Her books are one of the best potion texts I've read, actually."

"And the rest of your brilliance was obviously already there when you were born," She took the book from him, "Thank you!"

"No, thank _you_. For Lily, I mean."

"You already did. You're a great brother, by the way." Andrea started walking away.

"If you say so."

She turned and waved, "I do say so. See you at practice!"

He waved back and then they both walked away.

[vii.

The summer after second year, Andrea works on her beater skills because 1. It was good exercise, 2. She didn't feel like chasing after an entire school year of Chaser training, 3. Oliver still feels _strongly_ about her beating, and 4. Beating just suddenly appealed to her more. No particular reason there.

[viii.

Abby was sitting on the bleachers, her nose buried in either an issue of Witch Weekly or a muggle romance novel while Andrea circled the pitch, a beater's bat in hand. Eli was also circling the pitch, Chaser's gloves abandoned.

Glancing at the targets floating in front of her, suspended in midair, Andrea tested the bat in her hand, tapping it on her own shoulder a couple of times while flying towards the Bludger that was currently dashing about. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Eli was already positioning himself between her and the couple of targets left, anticipating his chance to intercept.

Andrea let out a breath and her lips curved into a smirk—intercepting this hit would be _hard_. She caught up to the Bludger and guided it with her bat, moving so that she could see an open path between herself and the targets.

Moving targets were slightly harder than stationary targets, she still hadn't quite gotten used to them despite practicing over the summer. Her eyes tracking the flight pattern of an easy target, she hit the Bludger towards the spot slightly in front the target, anticipating its movement.

Flying backwards from the impact, Andrea watched her Bludger crush the target as Eli was a split second too late.

"Wow! Nice one, Russet!" a call from below her sounded. Andrea looked down to see James walking out on the pitch with his broom in hand.

"I didn't know you beat," James said as he hopped on his broom and floated upwards.

"Um, yeah. I do—did. Before I came to Hogwarts I was mostly a beater," Andrea managed to push the words out her mouth in a coherent sentence.

"That's so cool," James replied, "Do you want to try beating with me? I could give you a challenge."

Her heart started picking its speed up, and she felt her cheeks grow warmer.

"I'm sorry," she tried to look less nervous and more apologetic, "but Eli and I were already wrapping things up. I promised Abby I'd help her with Transfiguration." The lie came easily. Abby was still struggling with the subject and Professor Patil even asked Andrea to answer any questions Abby had.

"Oh. Okay," James's brown eyes dimmed a little with disappointment, and Andrea escaped before she caved in to the temptation and hopelessly embarrassed herself.

[ix.

Around a month afterwards, James got a girlfriend. Her name was Cassandra Zabini, a Slytherin, and she was this perfect thing that made Andrea's heart sink a little. Her hair was a glossy dark brown that she whips around in the wind or curls elegantly onto her head. She had the perfect face structure, big eyes, high nose, and Andrea didn't know how to compete.

But being with James made her feel safe, so she continued to quietly shadow him, always being there, talking about Lily or Quidditch or just school. And soon everyone who had black hair has brown eye made her turn in the hallways, and she started seeing him everywhere—out of the corner of her eye, a flash in a corridor, even when it wasn't him.

* * *

Andrea was walking back from the library, potions essay for Professor Zimmerman tucked under her arm when Cassandra Zabini bumped into her, knocking her down.

Andrea saw the greens and silvers of the Slytherin uniform and dark glossy hair from the corner of her eye. As she gathered her things from the cold ground trying to stand up, a female voice, presumably her offender, rang, "Aren't you, like, the Gryffindor chaser?" Andrea looked up to see none other than Cassandra Zabini standing over her.

She gathered her things and stood up, wondering with a beating heart what Cassandra Zabini could possibly want to do with her.

"Yes?" Her reply came out as a question.

"Stay away from James," Zabini dropped the bomb bluntly.

"What?"

"Stay away from my boyfriend. It's impolite to move in on someone else's boyfriend, and it's just pathetic especially when you don't have a chance."

"I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about," Andrea slung her bag over her shoulder, preparing to leave.

"Yes you do," Zabini hissed and stepped in front of Andrea, blocking her way, trapping her in front of a wall. The hallway was suspiciously empty, even though it was only half an hour after dinner.

"What do you expect me to do?" Andrea asked, stalling, "We're in the same house. We're Quidditch teammates. I'm good friends with his sister. No offense, but if you're starting to worry about _me_ stealing you boyfriend, you're quite paranoid about losing him."

Cassandra drew her wand and shook it in front of Andrea, "This is a warning, Bendal. James is my boyfriend and I'd prefer to keep it that way."

Andrea's grip on her wand tightened. "I have no intention of stealing your boyfriend, but I will not stay away from him because of your silly insecurities. There is no point, Zabini."

Cassandra's eyes darkened and she waved her wand, muttering the start of a spell.

"Hey!" James burst into the hallway, "Cassandra-what are you doing?"

Andrea looked at him and away from the glowing wand tip in front of her. In that split second, Cassandra send the spell flying at her, knocking her into the stone wall behind her. Her head slammed onto the hard surface and Merlin it hurt. Her world was turned upside down, the ceiling seemed to be below her, the lights on the walls glowed brighter and her vision grew hazy.

Faintly, beyond the noise of her head buzzing, she heard two people arguing. Dimly, she saw a guy and a girl gesture wildly at each other, their mouths moving but creating no sound. Finally, the guy pointed an accusing finger at the girl and must have lain down an ultimatum, because the girl turned around and stalked off in a fury, her long wavy black hair swaying as she walked away.

The guy watched her walk away for two seconds before rushing to Andrea's side. With his long fingers, he examined the bump on her head.

"Are you okay? Do you hurt?"

"Elephant…pants."

"Do you know who you are?" he asked again.

"Hmm?" Andrea mumbled, "Copper fizzle?"

He swore under his breath and quickly scooped her up in his arms, carrying her bridal style.

"It was strange, Russet," he started talking as he made his way to the hospital wing, "I need you to stay awake. You probably have a concussion additionally to whatever spell Cassandra cast. Focus on my talking, alright?"

"Grumble pears," she said, but trained her sleepy eyes on him.

"Um, so I finished dinner and went looking for you in the library. I thought you'd probably be there, since you weren't in the Gryffindor common room. Abby was hanging out with Wiles. They usually stay in the common room when you go to the library, right? So I went to the library to look for you, but the librarian told me that you left already, so I left the library and figured you'll head back to the common room. I was going to go straight to the common room, but I saw Lyn Reynolds, one of Cassandra's friends, loitering in front of a hallway. I was suspicious, so I asked her where Cassandra was. She seemed a little out of it, sleepy, you know? She gestured towards the hallway, so I rushed over. And then I saw Cassandra in a standoff with you. I must have distracted you—Cassandra is quite behind on Defense and Charms. You would have easily shielded the magic."

James's feet pounded down hallways and stairwells, making Andrea bounce in his arms. "Why is the hospital wing so far away from the rest of the castle? It should be in the smack center…" He went on, "After you fell down I made Cassandra explain the situation to me. It was a stupid act stemmed from pathetic jealousy. I apologize, Russet, on her behalf. I broke up with her," he added matter-of-factly, "I was going to anyways. After I got to know her… Made me wonder what I saw in her the first place."

Andrea could feel James's heartbeat through his shirt—it was a comforting heartbeat, one she could fall asleep to.

"Madam Pomfrey!" James rushed into the white walled hospital wing, where Madam Pomfrey was sitting at her desk. In a hurry, James spilled out the situation, describing how Andrea was attacked by another student as well as his belief that she has a concussion additionally to whatever effects the spell has. He quickly set her on one of the beds.

"What's your name, dear?" Madam Pomfrey leaned in, shining her wand in Andrea's eyes.

"Fish jargon!"

"Hmm," Madam Pomfrey hummed, "She does have a concussion, and it's very likely that she was hit with a simple Babbling Curse or Tongue-Tying Curse. I think the hit on the head did more damage than the curse itself, though." She turned around and started rummaging through the shelves before she found a small vial of pills, which she turned around and gave to Andrea. After swallowing the pills, Madam Pomfrey cast a counter-spell on Andrea, clearing her head immediately.

Gasping, Andrea sat up. "What'ssss—happened?" she hissed as she clamped a hand to the back of her head.

Frowning, James asked, "You don't remember anything that happened?"

"I do," Andrea replied, "It's just that everything is really fuzzy, like I dreamt it all."

"You need rest," Madam Pomfrey cut in, "Go back to your dorm and sleep the headache off. Come next morning you'll remember things perfectly."

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey," Andrea stood. "Wait, where are my things?"

"Your things?" James asked, "I must have left them in the hallway. I was in such a rush. Is there anything important there?"

"Uh, yeah. My potions essay due tomorrow is there, along with my book bag."

"I'll go get it," he turned and was prepared to dash off, but Madam Pomfrey suggested, "Escort her to the dorms first. Curfew isn't for a while yet."

"Right," James turned around and linked his arm through Andrea's and led her out the Hospital Wing. Andrea ignored the feeling of warm skin on warm skin and forced her legs to move along.

"So," James asked, looking for a topic to fill the silence, "You and Eli go way back?"

"Yeah," Andrea replied, smiling, "Oliver and my dad were in the same year. They were great friends even though mine didn't eat and breathe Quidditch. Then, after they graduated, Oliver was quick to marry the woman of his dreams, whereas for my dad it took longer, my mother being a Muggle and all. After she…left us, we spent more time with them. Dad needed some help re-integrating himself into the Wizarding society. Eli's closer to my sister. They're in the same year and everything."

"How did you cope when your mum left?"

"I didn't understand it at first. I was only seven years-old, and to me it was like she chose to leave because she hated me. Hated my dad. Hated who we were. Then I grew up and realized that my mother was just a wild thing, and perhaps it was better for her and my dad to separate," Andrea sighed, "It has made things harder, though. My dad is kind of fragile, my mother has moved on, and Katie—Katie is so busy ignoring us."

Andrea didn't exactly know why she was talking about her family with James. It just slipped out so easily, and it felt so _safe_ talking to him.

"Have you ever thought about not trying to fix everything?" James asked, out of the blue.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that maybe sometimes you burden yourself with all the mistakes of the world and try to fix them. If you stepped back, took a break once in a while, you might see that some of those problems can fix themselves." His tone was soft, not critical at all, and he seemed to also be talking to himself.

"I guess... I've thought about letting things go, but once I let go I'm not in control anymore, and that scares me. I wish I could stop trying to fix the world, but I keep having this…urge to at least try."

They reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. James clapped Andrea on her shoulders, "For now, fix yourself. Go get some sleep and sleep your headache off. I'll go get your things."

"Thanks. Goodnight."

James turned and walked down the hallway, retracing their steps while Andrea whispered the password and the portrait swung open. She ignored the strange looks Abby and Jenna gave her and went straight upstairs and collapsed on her bed, descending into sleep.

[x.

After that night, her relationship with James didn't change drastically. Maybe there was one or two more instances of eye contact across the common room, one or two more lines of dialogue during practice, or one or two more encounters in the library. But things were only slowly progressing towards close friends and then Andrea was never sure if things could ever possibly be more than friends. It was a nice hope, but she didn't want James to be another Louis. With James, she would wait and wait and wait. Even if that didn't work out, she was content with being his friend. His friendship alone made her feel loved.

One day, Professor Longbottom interrupted Andrea's Transfiguration class. After exchanging a couple of words with Professor Patil, he called, "Miss Bendal, if you would like to gather your things and follow me to Headmistress McGonagall's office, please."

Abby turned and grabbed Andrea's sleeve in a panic, "Are you in trouble, Rea?"

"I—I have no idea," bewildered, Andrea started collecting her things.

"But what will I do for the rest of this assignment?" Abby whispered in dismay, "You know I suck at this."

Andrea bit her lip before pulling her notes out and gave it to Abby. "Try to understand it to the best of your ability! See you later," she grabbed her bag and followed Professor Longbottom out the door.

After they walked out of the classroom, Andrea asked Professor Longbottom uneasily, "Why am I going to Headmistress McGonagall's office?"

Longbottom looked at her for a few seconds. "You'll know when you get there."

"Is it good news or bad news?"

"You'll know when you get there."

Frustrated, She continued the walk in silence..

They reached the gargoyles where Professor Longbottom spoke the password. The door opened, and revealed Headmistress McGonagall and the presence of another person—this one surprised Andrea.

"Katie?"

Katie gave a silent nod of acknowledgement to Andrea.

"What's this about?" Andrea asked as she took the seat next to Katie.

"Girls, it's about your dad," McGonagall said.

"Dad?" Katie asked, "What about him?"

"He was seriously injured when he was taking a walk around your neighborhood. He didn't have his wand with him, which was extremely unlucky, because some people were transporting a dragon nearby, and the dragon broke free. Your dad—your dad ran into it and did not come out unscathed."

Andrea swallowed thickly, "How—how bad are his injuries?"

McGonagall sighed. "He has some degree of burns all around his body, his right leg was—devoured by the dragon. It's a miracle he's still alive. He's in St. Mungo's right now."

"When can we go see him?"

"He's still in the Intensive Care Unit, so until they allow visitors, you can't see him. I don't know when that'll be. Would you like us to contact any other members of the family? Your mother, perhaps?"

Andrea opened her mouth, "I think we should-"

"NO!" Katie burst out, surprising everyone, "Not that woman."

Katie bit her lip, her eyes dark and cheeks flushed. Andrea frowned at being cut off. McGonagall looked taken back at her Head Girl's surprising outburst.

Katie recognized everyone's shock, and amended, "I mean, Andrea and I can handle this just fine, can't we?"

Andrea glared at her sister, promising that they would talk about it in detail later.

McGonagall nodded, "Very well. I understand that this is a dreadful event to take in. You are excused from the rest of your classes today to perhaps, sort yourselves out? Professor Longbottom and I are both free if you want to talk about any of your concerns."

Katie nodded briskly and stood. She reached out and pulled Andrea out of her chair, dragging her out of the room.

"Why are you so mad at Mom?" Andrea asked as Katie tugged on her wrist, indicating for her to go faster.

"Of course I'm mad at that woman. She left me when she should have celebrated one of the most important moments in my life. In our family."

Andrea rolled her eyes. Katie, unlike her, was perfectly organized. She wrote everything down in her journal, her own personal mini-calendar was filled with appointments she made, and most likely kept a timeline of her life. If you asked, she probably knew exactly how many days it has been since she got her Hogwarts letter.

"You should forgive her. Move past it. At least for now, when we need to figure so many things out," Andrea pleaded.

Katie entered an empty hallway, pulling Andrea behind her.

"I. Will. Not. Forgive. Her. She left her daughters without a second glance, Andrea. How can you still consider her family?"

"Well maybe you don't," Andrea retorted, "but have you ever thought about Dad? _He's_ the one who still feels attached to her. _He's_ the one who felt the most pain when she left. _And he's the one who is currently in critical condition because one of his legs was eaten by a dragon._ "

Katie stared at Andrea, speechless.

"Plus, it's not like either of us is able to get out of school and take care of him on command. We have no idea when he's going to be better, and finals are coming up. I know that _you're_ not risking your N.E.W.T.s to ensure that our dad might be okay."

"Andrea," Katie attempted to reason, "This is my final year at Hogwarts. I have a greater deal of things I need to worry about compared to you. I have my exams, I have to apply for jobs, I have my duty as Head Girl…"

"You ALWAYS say that," Andrea raised her voice. "You ALWAYS have more work than I do because you are four years ahead of me for Merlin's sake! But even when you were in third year and I was nine years old, I understood that I needed to take care of dad."

"I do understand. I'm just really, really, busy."

"Fine. Tell me when Dad's birthday is."

"February 25th."

"What about his wedding anniversary with Mom? When did they meet? Where did they meet? When did he propose?"

Katie opened her mouth, but no answer came out.

"You wouldn't know," Andrea accused. "You wouldn't know that you take after Dad and you both have this thing for dates. You wouldn't know that he feels worse on these dates because he's reminded of _her._ You wouldn't know that sometimes he has nightmares loud enough so that I'm afraid to go to sleep. Why? Oh yes, you're busy."

Andrea felt tears behind her eyes, stinging and warm. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. _Not now. Not when I'm making a point. She can't think I'm weak._

"So why," she sniffed, looking straight in her sister's eyes, "would you be so selfish and say that you don't want mum to know about dad because of your stupid grudge? Well, you can either tell McGonagall that you changed your mind, or this would be one more time that I can add to the list of when you turned your back on your family because you have _work_."

There was a glimmer of guilt in Katie's eyes, but her mouth was set in a stubborn line. Adjusting her schoolbag, Andrea turned away and stalked towards the Gryffindor tower, disgusted and worn out.


	2. Part II

[xi.

 _4_ _th_ _year started with me burying my nose in my work. Be it Quidditch, school, or trying to solve the various problems that Katie, now graduated and interning at the Ministry of Magic, felt weren't worth her time._

 _I figured that by the end of each year, my goal for next year was to pile more work onto myself, make myself even busier—for what, I had no idea. There was so much I wanted to do, needed to do, but only so much that I_ could _do. This continued on for about half a year before someone finally grabbed me and ordered me to relax. That person was James._

* * *

Andrea was working on three essays when James plopped himself into the seat across from her. She was so engrossed in the essays, alternating between each when she felt stuck; she didn't even notice James. He gently plucked her quill out of her hand, demanding attention.

"Hey, James," she self-consciously adjusted her shirt and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Then she un-tucked it, remembering that it framed her face better.

"Hey," he stared at her with dark brown pools of seriousness. "What are you working on?"

"Oh. Just essays."

"Abby says that you guys don't have any essays due."

She sighed. "They're all extra-curricular. Extra credit."

"Why? Are you falling behind?"

"No…I just need something...something to keep myself busy."

"Why?" he asked again, "Is 4th year not enough work for you?"

She shrugged. "It is. Just that…I still have extra time on my hands and so I figured, why not get some extra work done?"

"You're turning into a Ravenclaw, Rea."

"So maybe I am."

They both paused. Andrea eyeing her own essay, unfinished, ending mid-sentence. James played with her quill, the left over ink staining his long Quidditch player fingers.

"Is it…Is it because of you dad?" James asked, finally breaking the silence.

She felt comfortable enough to talk about it, she decided.

"No. Not my dad, really. Katie."

He eyed her strangely, "Why are you piling work onto yourself because of your sister?"

"I'm not…piling work onto myself," she protested, but even after she said it she knew it wasn't true.

"Fine then. So you are giving yourself work you don't deserve because of your sister. What are you punishing yourself for?"

"I don't think I'm punishing myself," Andrea said. "I try my best to do work that my family needs me to do. If Katie thinks that they aren't worth her time, and my dad can't do them because of his condition, then of course I'm the one who's supposed to take care of them."

"It's okay, Rea. I know that you mean well, and I know you think it's your responsibility to be the one who fixes everything. I'm not talking to you because you're writing essays, but because I know you don't want to. I know that Andrea Bendal is a girl who is studious, who wants to carry the world on her shoulders and be selfless to the point of forgetting herself, _and that's okay_ , if that's who you really are." he looked her straight in the eye.

"If you want to talk about things instead of writing Charms essay after Charms essay," he continued, "You can always talk to me. Essays and extra work and stress won't make you feel better. Talking to someone about it will."

His words washed over her like waves of water, blurring her view for a moment, but then clearing. Words bubbled up within her like a gurgling fountain, threatening to spill out of her mouth before she could control it, tame it.

She wanted to say something to express how grateful she was for his speech, for the fact that he even bothered to care. Maybe silence would work better in expressing her thanks, because she felt that if she allowed her fountain of words to overflow to outside of her mouth and into the real world it would somehow ruin things between them, ruin this precious moment.

(Why in Merlin's name didn't she become a poet?)

James stood up to leave, his gaze down, suddenly unwilling to meet her eyes.

 _He thinks I'm rejecting his speech with my stupid gawking silence!_

"Thanks," she called out before he was too far to hear. Nothing extraordinary. Nothing eloquent and impressive like his tumble of words. But he looked back, and smiled.

It was enough.

[xii.

In the summer of her about-to-be fifth year, Andrea took up a small job at a Muggle ice-cream parlor. She worked some shifts and she's not sure why, because she got paid in Muggle money. What use did she have for Muggle money? The amount she made wasn't even close to the amount she needed to keep things running at their house.

She had a couple regular customers. One of them, to her surprise, was James.

The first time he'd showed up she was shocked. It wasn't a rush hour, so there was the occasional customer that dropped in every ten minutes or so. She'd been leaning against the counters, reading a brochure on St. Mungo's internships, careful to conceal it from her Muggle co-workers. When the bell tinkled, indicating that the door was pushed open, she folded the paper and dropped it into her uniform pocket faster than one usually backed away from one of Fred Weasley's convoluted plans.

"James? What are you doing here?" she exclaimed.

"What? Can't I come visit my favorite redhead?" He grinned wolfishly.

"I. Have. Russet. Hair." She said. "And also, I'll tell Fred you said that. Fred and your billion redheaded relatives."

"Oh dear," he exaggerated clutching at his heart, "Now they have to know I never cared for anyone of them. I'll be disowned!"

Andrea rolled her eyes. "You do realize that this is a-" she dropped her voice, " _Muggle_ shop, right?"

"Yeah," he pressed his fingertips against the glass showcasing all the pints of ice cream.

"So, do you have money? Are you going to get anything?" she pressed, "or are you just going to stand there and loiter?"

"I feel unwelcome," he whined, "The lady doesn't want me here." His brown eyes peeked up at her to see her expression.

Her cheeks flushed despite the cool temperature of the ice cream parlor. Her throat was coated with sticky syrup, trapping the words before they took flight.

"The lady should know that I am here for a reason, actually." James said, saving her. "I'm sure you know that Lily's birthday is coming up soon, July 18th. She wants to invite you to her birthday party. It's on the day of, since it's a Saturday anyways. Our house." He grabbed a pen and a napkin from the counter and scribbled down an address. "Just floo."

"Okay…" Andrea accepted the piece of paper and studied it. "Why couldn't Lily just owl me or something? You guys know that I'm living with Eli and his family. I mean, you didn't have to personally deliver this message."

"Uh," James scratched the back of his head, "I was going to stop by anyways, so I told Lily not to…bother."

Andrea smiled and tried her best to ignore the slight fluttering in her stomach. "Why were you going to stop by anyways?"

He looked at her dead serious. "I needed to buy ice cream."

Andrea's face collapsed into a laugh. "Okay. What do you want?"

 _Very_ seriously, James started scanning all the ice cream flavors. He asked to taste almost all the flavors and read all the ingredient tags next to the product name before making a choice.

Other customers came in, some with kids, and they looked strangely at this seventeen year-old guy studying the ice cream tags like it contained the most important question on his finals. Leah, Andrea's coworker, came out to help her. She glanced quizzically at James. _Do you know him?_ She mouthed to Andrea.

"Make your choice, James," Andrea laughed.

"I think I'll have…a scoop of Rainbow Sherbet, please."

"I can't say I'm surprised," she expected him to go for one of the crazier looking flavors. "What make you choose it?" she asked as she leaned over to reach the Rainbow Sherbet.

"It looks like your hair."

"It _does not._ Are you crazy?"

"Just a little."

She handed him his ice cream and rang him up. "That would be one-point-five…" she looked at him cautiously, and whispered, "James, you do have Muggle money, right?"

James shot her a look, "Of _course_. Please have a little faith in me." He pulled his wallet out and started fishing around the unfamiliar bills for the correct amount. He handed the money over very proudly and took the ice cream. Leaning in as Andrea sorted the bills and printed his receipt, he whispered, "Galleons and Knuts are so much easier. See you at Lily's party!"

Then he left.

"You're grinning like your dream just came true," noted Leah.

Andrea tried to set her mouth into a straight line, "No, I wasn't."

"Please, Rea." Leah rolled her eyes, "I'm not an idiot."

Andrea let out an "Hmmm".

"That boy was pretty hot, if I do say so myself." Leah talked on, "And you probably can't tell, but I think he has a thing for you, too. You two know each other, eh? What's his name? Age?"

"Uh, James, he's 17."

"Hmm…two years. Not that much of a big deal once you get out into the real world. I give you my blessing."

"Leah!" Andrea blushed again.

"Did I hear something about a party earlier?"

"It's his sister's birthday party. She's turning 14."

"You _absolutely_ have to let me help you get ready for it." Leah exclaimed.

"It's just a birthday party," Andrea protested, "With a ton of other people there. Plus, I _can_ do my own makeup."

"I'll pop by on Saturday anyways," Leah said cheerfully.

"Saturday? Wait how do you know-"

Leah smirked and pointed at the napkin on the counter.

"Right," Andrea sighed. "Fine. You can…come around noon at my place, okay?"

"Of course!" Leah hummed as she turned to the new customer who was waiting.

Andrea glanced down at the napkin stained with ink in James' handwriting. Smiling fondly, she folded the napkin and dropped it into her apron pocket, slipping into place next to the St. Mungo's brochure.

* * *

 _Dear Miss Andrea Bendal and Miss Katherine Bendal,_

 _Your father, Nicholas Bendal, has had a complication regarding his physical therapy. His situation is currently non-threatening, but we require family members to be present for the next few stages of his recovery. Please see that you can arrive at St. Mungo's as soon as possible. If not possible, please make sure that at least one family member is present._

 _Best Regards,_

 _St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries_

 _June 18_ _th_

* * *

Andrea woke with a start to the annoying tapping noise coming from outside of her window. She swung herself out of bed and pushed away the curtain. A snowy owl stood on her windowsill, peering accusingly at her.

"Don't blame me," she muttered as she pushed the window open, letting the owl in, "Blame your owner for sending me mail in the middle of the night."

The letter had the St Mungo's seal stamped on it, and she was sure her stomach was a pancake with how it was flipping around. Part of her was filled with longing and fascination towards the institution, but the other part of her knew what this letter was about.

 _Her dad._

Quickly reading the letter, Andrea knew, of course, that the fastest way to figure out what happed to her dad was to go to the hospital herself. But it was the middle of the night and she couldn't Apparate, she would have to Floo. And it was also 4 a.m. on the day of June 18th. The day that she'd promised James that she'd show up at Lily's birthday party. And Leah was going to arrive at her own home at noon, expecting her.

Sighing, she rubbed the last thoughts of sleep away from her brain and sat down to write some notes.

One was a slightly long one, explaining and apologizing repeatedly for not waking Oliver and Haley. She understood their responsibility as hosts but also the facts that Oliver and Haley had a very important game tomorrow.

Another one was for Leah, to be taped onto her door in case she didn't make it back by noon.

The last one was a brusque letter to be owled to Katie, explaining that if she'd seen the hospital letter Andrea was going to take care of it and understood that there were some important ministry events that perhaps Katie really needed to participate in. She mailed that one off, left the one for Oliver and Haley on her bed, and stuffed the note for Leah in her coat pocket.

Quietly, she tiptoed downstairs in front of the fireplace. Grabbing a handful of Floo powder, she whispered her own address.

At her house, she taped her note to Leah to the front door, hoping that she could be back before noon to remove the note before Leah ever even saw it. Finally, she stepped into her own fireplace and flooed to St Mungo's.

Her feet beat on the hard marble floor of the hospital as she waited behind other visitors lining up to see the Welcome Witch. When she reached the front, the Welcome Witch spun her pen with her fingers lazily. "Please state your-"

"Last name Bendal, First floor Intensive Care Unit. I'm his daughter." She interrupted the Witch in a hurry.

"That'd be room 185," the witch handed her a pass and she rushed off into the first floor corridor.

St Mungo's was filled with all the usual unusual patients, witches with hands sprouting out from their chests, wizards with reptilian tails. There was more people in the hospital at 5 in the morning than Andrea would have imagined. Illness follows no schedule.

She pushed open the door to room 185 to find her dad looking exhausted, pale against the white sheets of the room.

"Are you okay?" she dropped her bag on the spotless tile floors and sat down in the chair next to the bed.

Her dad's pale blue eyes blinked at her, noticing her for the first time. "Rea, you came?"

"Of course I came," she smiled softly, "St Mungo's sent me a notice. How are you feeling?"

"Well," he gazed at the bare ceiling, "I feel like my body is missing important parts of it, which is true, physically. I miss you girls so much some times. And your mother. Yesterday with the physical therapy I tried too hard, I guess, and I—just, I—wish," he looked helplessly at Andrea, "I just wish I'm not so broken and that our family wasn't so broken and that I can feel whole again." To Andrea's horror her dad started crying, water running down his face, leaking through cracks of a broken vessel.

Panicking, she held his hand and whispered soothing words until her dad, like a young boy, fell asleep. Numbly, she sat by his side for another numerous hours, holding his hand, wishing that she could put him back together again.

Her dad woke occasionally, eyes fluttering at her before falling back into unconsciousness. After speaking with his nurse about his condition, being assured that it was okay to leave, that St Mungo's got it quite fully under control, she flooed back home.

* * *

"Hey, Russet!" James plopped down on the couch where Andrea sat, startling her. Her eyes were slowly closing and she was tumbling down the tunnel towards dreamland. She yawned.

"Hey, James," she blinked the sleep away from her eyes. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. Just, you know, hanging out at my baby sister's birthday party." He took a sip from his bottle of butterbeer and leaned back on the couch.

"Of course," she smiled. "Missed the obvious, there."

"How are you liking it here? I noticed you're not the liveliest party guest."

Andrea stifled a yawn, "Sorry about that," she said. "I got woken up at what, four in the morning? I had to go visit my dad. It was a complication regarding his physical therapy."

"Four in the morning?" James set his drink on the coffee table. "You must be exhausted. Did you tell Eli's parents?"

"I left them a note. I haven't had a chance to talk to them because I went home to get ready for this right after."

"Don't feel obligated to stay up. Lily's friends provide more than enough enthusiasm for the party. You could rest in one of our guest rooms upstairs?"

"Oh no," Andrea declined. "That would be too much to ask of you. I'll just…close my eyes for a bit, if you don't mind." She pulled her legs up to her chest and curled up against the cushions.

 _Of course not_ , James thought as he watched her breathing even out. Her red hair was pulled back in a wavy ponytail, and it fell on the soft white tank-top she wore. There were very few things, James found, that Andrea could do that would annoy him, least of all fall asleep on his couch.

Her hair smelled divine, like oranges and roses. He could see the splatter of freckles that dotted the bridge of her nose, her thick lashes, and the curve of her lip. Her frame looked delicate and fragile, but James knew her bones were sturdy, her heart big, and her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of her family without the complaints so many people years her elder would have whined.

She shifted unexpectedly and her head fell on James's shoulder, the smell of oranges and roses engulfing his senses. _Oh Merlin. I could fall in love with her._ The thought came to him in between the quick beats of his jumping heart. In a rush, his head filled with poets' words. How to describe how she made him feel? _A modern quill doth come too short,_ he remembered the line from Lucy's book. Her warmth was so comforting, even on a mid-summer eve.

"James honey, are you okay?" Ginny asked, concerned. "You seemed very lost in thought."

Careful not to wake Andrea, he explained her situation. She was now slumbering deeply and far past the stages of the little nap she intended to take.

"Well I don't want to wake her either… Let me ask the Woods if they don't mind her staying here."

And they didn't. They expressed thanks that the Potters told them that she was safe, but if they had room to house an extra guest, they didn't see why Andrea had to go home. She must be so tired, they added, to just fall asleep like that.

So James lifted her arms around his neck, and gently supporting her waist and legs, he carried the overworked girl bridal-style upstairs. As he tucked her into a bed, he stared at her in wonder. _Where do you come from? And if I ask you, can you never leave?_

[xiii.

"Do you know what N.E.W.T.s you want to take yet?" James twirled his quill between his fingers.

It was a quiet Saturday evening in the library. Most students were in their common rooms socializing, but Fred and Louis usually landed themselves detention for one ridiculous reason or another, and Abby had Transfiguration tutoring in the other corner of the library, she studied with James. O.W.L.s were coming up, and if she started studying earlier on in the year, Andrea reasoned, there was less likely of a chance she would fall into the panic that so many students did.

"Transfiguration, Potions, Charms, Herbology, and DADA," she answered, copying another diagram of the Fanged Geranium into her notes. "I want to become a Healer."

"Healer?" He studied her. "I can see that."

"Really?" She tried not to smile too widely. "Thanks."

"I've said it before, you're a girl who likes to carry the world on her shoulders."

"And you? You never wish you could just…eliminate suffering?"

"Actually, I do," he set his quill back in his ink pot. "Which is why I've decided to apply to the Auror's Academy."

"That's great! I'm so happy for you."

"You think I should? I mean I know people will think it's because of my dad and how he's an Auror but its really not. It's more about helping people who need help and servicing the country. Cleaning up its messes, you know?"

"Of course not," she remembered the James Potter who held her in his arms and talked at her to keep her conscious. "Is that why you've turned down joining Fred and Louis's pranks lately? Wanting to keep a clean school record?"

James scoffed, "Those idiots just don't know how to not get caught." He looked sideways at Andrea through her curtain of hair, "Besides, I have better places to be on Saturday nights."

Andrea flushed and stared so intently at her parchment she was surprised it didn't burn.

[xiv.

It was the final Quidditch game of the year. Gryffindor colors filled the west side stands and Ravenclaw colors packed the east side. Commentary was unbiased as possible, given by a Hufflepuff, which disappointed some students.

The chance at the Quidditch Cup was so important to so many of her team. Ravenclaw had beat Slytherin by 20 points only, having caught the Snitch when Slytherin was 130 points ahead. Gryffindor had beat Slytherin by more, but the nervous energy, even more so than in any of Andrea's post games, surged through her body faster than the Snitch zipped.

Fred was completely at home in front of the hoops, so far only letting in 2 goals. James and Louis handled the Bludgers expertly, keeping them away from all the Chasers. June, taking turns with Andrea to lead their maneuver, flew excellently. Gordon Goldenstein, a Ravenclaw beater, flew up to her and voiced her thoughts exactly.

"Can't wait till next year when all that's left of your Quidditch team is you, Berdichevsky, and Stein. You'd be pathetic," he sneered. Andrea narrowed her eyes at him, "We'd still be stronger than you lot," she said before surging forward on her broom to intercept a Ravenclaw pass.

"AND THAT'S ANDREA BENDAL FROM GRYFFINDOR WITH THE INTERCEPTION—SHE PASSES IT BACK TO WHITE, WHO—OOH, LOOK AT THAT SWERVE—PASSES IT BACK TO BENDAL, AND BENDAL SCORES, 170-20, GRYFFINDOR!"

Half the crowd erupted into cheers while the Ravenclaws booed.

The announcer went on. "The Gryffindor Chasers White and Bendal are making it hard for Ravenclaw this year! Bendal has 5 assists and 7 goals, White has 2 assists and 6 goals, and Stein has 4 goals as of now in the game."

Andrea really wished the announcer didn't draw all the attention on to her. The Ravenclaw beaters, Goldenstein and Wright, could be quiet pesky and vicious. James and Louis would keep the Bludgers from hurting her, but it was harder to run their drill when the beaters knew to attack the central Chaser.

"Emily, switch!" She yelled, steering her broom towards her to take her place. She was moving out of the way so Emily could lead the maneuver. Emily passed to June, but the Ravenclaw chasers were catching on, and they intercepted the pass.

"FIRST INTERCEPTION BY RAVENCLAW CHASER ELWELL, WILL RAVENCLAW SCORE? ELWELL PASSES TO EMANUELS AND EMANUELS—AH. WITH THE HELP OF A BLUDGER FROM JAMES POTTER, EMANUELS MISAIMS AND THE QUAFFLE IS INTERCEPTED BY NONE OTHER THAN ANDREA BENDAL!" Cheers erupted form the crowd.

"Get open!" Andrea yelled at Emily as she zipped toward the hoops. June flew behind her and Emily, who stayed closer to the Ravenclaw hoops, was guarded by a Chaser. Andrea faked a pass, and in the little window of time that he was distracted, and the other two still on her tail, she aimed and shot.

"ANDREA BENDAL WITH ANOTHER GOAL! THIS BRINGS THE SCORE UP TO 180-20, GRYFFINDOR!"

James caught her eye and gave her a thumbs up. Andrea grinned. Goldenstein flew up to James and muttered something to him, no doubt something disparaging. James' face hardened and took off towards Louis.

When the Quaffle returned to play, Andrea caught it first, then passed it to June. The score now was just far apart enough so that even if Ravenclaw caught the Snitch, they wouldn't win. June passed it back to Andrea, who caught it with her left hand, holding it close to her chest. She was close enough to try for another goal.

"Rea, watch out!" James' voice came from behind her, way closer than he should have been and too pained for comfort. She turned her head and as if she entered a warp tunnel, everything slowed down. James threw his arms around her, burrowing his face in the crook of her neck. For a split second she was confused until she heard a crunch, too loud to be the cause of a minor injury. James went limp in her arms, and immediately her broom started to sink under the weight of two people. She twisted on her broom until James was sitting safely on it, in between her arms. Air whooshed past her ears as they fell freely and someone was yelling James' name as if their life depended on it.

The commentator was saying something and her teammates were telling at her but the only sounds she registered over the wind were James' labored breathing, and the screams for James to wake up. She tried to land them as gently as possible on the ground, not knowing she was still clutching the Quaffle out of game instincts.

"James, James, you idiot! Look at me! Open your eyes, for Merlin's sake!" Her voice broke, and oh Merlin, was it her who was doing the screaming all along? Her throat was a dry sandy tunnel of panic and hurt.

Hands grabbed at her to try to help her up but James still had his arms around her and she sat down next to him, cradling him, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to arrive with the stretchers. As the medics lifted him onto the stretcher, his eyes fluttered open. "Rea…"

"She's here," Madam Pomfrey soothed, "She's okay, hon."

In a real Quidditch game substitution would not be allowed, but Madam Pomfrey, (and other officials/parents) put her foot down at the thought of underage players playing with injuries.

"GRYFFINDOR HAS 30 MINUTES TO DECIDE ON HOW TO PROCEED. THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY RESERVE BEATERS."

The remaining six players trudged back inside the changing room. Louis said, "We are not giving up. We are so close to finishing off this year perfectly and you _know_ that, Fred."

"I can't let us back out with only one Beater. As good as you are, Goldenstein and Wright cannot be handled by one person. Plus, Ravenclaw's seeker is decent enough that we can't risk them catching the Snitch, even if we are that ahead."

"Also," June pointed out, "If the beaters are matched unevenly, it's far more likely that the Chasers will have a harder time scoring and defending."

The team fell silent.

"I can play Beater," Andrea croaked.

"Andrea… you've never played the position. You've never practiced with me."

"Oliver Wood trains me as a Beater every summer. If Eli were here he'd tell you I'm good enough. Even James, probably. He's seen me beat. I think this is our best choice, unless anyone else is a closeted Beater?"

Louis seemed doubtful that Andrea could lift the Beater's Bat, much less hit a Bludger hard enough to cause damage, but she stared him down. She remembered when she had a crush on him and couldn't even look him in the eye. She felt relieved that that was over.

"It seems like that is the logical choice," said Fred. "White and Stein: out of the reserve Chasers who do you think works best with you?"

"McKellan," June and Emily replied together.

Andrea nodded.

"Good. White and Stein, prep McKellan a little on what you've been noticing about the game and your tactics. Louis, get Rea some extra Beater's gear. Berdichevsky, let's talk," Fred ordered.

Twenty minutes later, the team marched out into the stadium, James' bat was gripped tightly in Andrea's hands.

"IT SEEMS THAT THE GRYFFINDORS' SOLUTION TO THE LACK OF A BEATER IS TO GIVE THEIR STAR CHASER A BAT. IS SHE THAT VERSATILE OF A PLAYER? LET'S FIND OUT. REPLACING BENDAL AS CHASER IS JULIAN MCKELLAN, 4TH YEAR."

It was surreal slightly, to be on this field and not follow the Quaffle. _I'm a Beater, I'm a Beater,_ she told herself, following the Bludgers with her eyes. Goldenstein raced past her, sneering. "Took up a bat to avenge your boyf-?" Zipping away to control a Bludger, Andrea missed the rest.

Quickly lining up the Bludger and her target, Andrea ripped the bat and the Bludger hurled towards the Ravenclaw Chasers in possession of the Quaffle. It knocked into Eason, and the Quaffle slipped from his hands.

"TURNOVER DUE TO EXCELLENT BEATING FROM BENDAL! THAT GIRL REALLY IS SOMETHING. STEIN HAS THE QUAFFLE—PASSES IT TO JUNE WHITE—WHO IS NOW CENTER CHASER INSTEAD OF BENDAL—SHE FEINTS AND SCORES! SCORE 190-20 GRYFFINDOR."

Louis bats a Bludger away from June, and nods grudgingly towards Andrea.

"OH—OH—I THINK BERDICHEVSKY HAS SPOTTED THE SNITCH!"

Andrea looked—sure enough, Berdichevsky was gaining on a silver flutter on the far side of the pitch. The rival Seeker, Dury, was unluckily quite behind. _Now or never,_ Andrea thought. She flew around a Bludger and eyed Gordon Goldenstein, winding up her bat just as Berdichevsky reached out to grasp the Snitch. She swung.

"BERDICHEVSKY CATCHES THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR VICTORY 340-20! GRYFFINDOR WINS THE QUIDDITCH CUP!"

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the Bludger impact the tail of Goldenstein's broom, breaking the old thing and sending him into a wild spin. _Not my best moment, but the git deserved that._

She hoped James could hear the chants of Gryffindor victory from the infirmary.

* * *

Broken back, Madam Pomfrey told them as the team waited for the sleep-inducing potion to wear off. Not as bad as it could have been; the protective padding took most of the damage, shattering completely. Even so, he needs at least another day of bed rest and after that he must avoid strenuous activities for 2 weeks. _Must_ , Pomfrey stressed.

"I don't know how you are able to stomach this sport after you clearly expressed your interest in becoming a Healer," Madam Pomfrey told Andrea.

Andrea shrugged. Just because she was interested in the healing of people didn't mean she thought that all potentially dangerous activities should be banned.

"Look," June whispered, "he's waking up!"

Madam Pomfrey finished her last bit of fretting around the waking patient and left with the instructions, "Remember, _don't_ crowd him."

"Did we win?" The first words out of his mouth were unsurprising.

"Yeah, man," Fred handed him the Quidditch Cup, setting it on his lap. "Won 190-20. Ravenclaw was off their game. You're the one who got us most worried out there."

"That's great," he brushed his long fingers over the polished cup. "I wish I could have been there, even just to watch."

"What made you throw yourself at that Bludger anyways? You had your bat." Berdichevsky asked.

James shrugged as best as he could shrug, "Instincts took over. I figure it was just faster to use my body." He looked at Andrea as he said this, unreadable eyes not giving her clues as to whether or not he was hiding anything.

Louis didn't seem to buy his answer, keeping quiet but narrowing his eyes at him suspiciously.

"How did we win?" James asked, "I want a play-by-play description."

"I wish you could have been there," Emily gushed, "Andrea was so great, filling in for you as Beater."

"Really?" The corners of his mouth lifted in approval.

Emily and June continued describing the game, even mentioning how Andrea slammed a Bludger at Goldenstien at the last minute.

"Amazing, isn't she?" June smiled knowingly at James.

James coughed, "Listen, guys, could I talk to Russet here alone for a while? Eli gave me a message to pass on."

The team said their goodbyes and left the room.

"Eli left you a message? What is it? Is it about my dad?"

James frowned, "I shouldn't have said that. I forget you're such a worrier. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you away from the team."

Andrea's heart stared pounding. It was so loud she didn't know how James couldn't hear it. It was all she heard, throbbing in her veins, drumming in her ears. She turned into one large, pulsing heartbeat.

"I have a confession to make, and don't freak out, okay?"

"Okay?"

He opened his mouth, struggling to get the words out. Silence blanketed the pair.

"If it's about how I totally saved your life because you jumped on my broom and almost crashed us both, you're welcome."

Looks of both relief and dissatisfaction washed over him. "Yeah. And also how you took my position as Beater. Oliver would be proud."

In the warm afternoon light, Andrea sat by his side and they fell back into comfortable conversation. Back and forth, they talked about inconsequential things, conveniently avoiding the elephant in the room.

[xv.

Two weeks later, the Gryffindor goodbye party was raging in the common room. Firewhiskey bottles littered the room, thanks to Fred and a couple other 7th Years.

Andrea stood with Abby, mingling but not really.

"I think he's going to go for it," Abby said.

"You think? He's practically giving him a lap dance," Andrea grimaced at the sight of her ex-Quidditch Captain drunk, shirt-off, and being the definition of too much PDA.

"Well it's about time, don't you think? They've been dancing around each other for so long, everyone in the Tower is glad they're dancing _on_ each other."

"I'm pretty sure alcohol is like, 50% of the reason why this scene is happening. Tomorrow they'll probably go back to avoiding each other and all those sexual tension-y things."

"Oh look!" Abby laughed as Aiden Morrow stumbled up to stand on the table and pulled Fred up with him. Drunk, they both swayed slightly as they locked their lips together. Aiden broke away long enough to yell, "THREE CHEERS FOR THE GRYFFINDOR CAPTAIN!" before going back to snogging said Gryffindor captain. The crowd roared in response.

"Hey Russet," James said, appearing behind her. "Hey Abby."

"Hey, James," said Andrea.

"Hey, James," said Abby, "and I'm guessing you want to talk to Rea here so I'm going to leave now…" She leaned into Andrea's ear and not-so-subtly whispered, "You know, speaking of not dancing around things anymore?" She "accidentally" bumped into Andrea as she left, causing Andrea to fall against James' chest.

Awkwardly, Andrea just leaned against him for a moment. She felt a thumpity-thump-thump. Was it her heart or his heart?

"Do you, uh, do you want to get out of here? I want to show you this place I know. Gorgeous view." He ran his fingers through his hair.

She looked around. The rowdy common room was still full of drunk people dancing and yelling. Fred and Aiden really should consider getting a room. The overload on noise and colors was hurting head a little, to be honest.

"Sure, why not?"

They left the common room, and with her hand in his, James led the way down to a window. He opened it and swung his legs over the windowsill. "You trust me?"

She nodded.

"Follow me, then." He jumped out of the window and landed on a small balcony below. Andrea took a deep breath and mimicked him.

"Look up," he said, "isn't it beautiful?"

The balcony was in such a location so that their view of the stars and the Great Lake was unobstructed. An added bonus being that they were still approximately 200 meters off the ground.

"It's amazing." The secluded location of Hogwarts always meant great starry nights, but sitting right under the galaxies still took her breath away. Swirls of milky colors splashed across the deep violet sky, pinpricks of light like beads, sewn onto a great tapestry. They shone through the clouds and surrounded the crescent moon. "Thank you."

They sat in silence for a while, Andrea admiring the stars, oblivious to how James' eyes were focused on her and not the sky _._ Finally, he broke the silence.

"I was going to tell you something that time, in the hospital. I got nervous and I couldn't say it. It wasn't about how you saved my life, although, thanks again for that," he mock-saluted, "I need to tell you this before I miss my chance."

Did her heart stop beating? Or was that just the blood rushing to her ears?

"The thing is, that day out on the pitch, I knew Goldenstien meant for that Bludger to harm you, enough so that you'd get taken out of the game. He told me so. So when I saw Bludger hurl your way, I was close, but not close enough. The acceleration and the force… Even if I stopped it with my bat, reaction forces would cause it to hit you. I did the only thing I thought would keep you safe." Tentatively, he brushed his fingers over her forehead, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I realized you mean too much to me. I care too much about you. Way too much."

"You silly Potter," her eyes moistened, "It was part of the game. You didn't have to do that for me."

His lips quirked, "I did. It was my responsibility as Beater. You didn't have my gear on. I got a broken back. You could have died." He shook his head, "Love makes us a little irrational, don't you think?"

"There's barely a week left of school. And then you'll be out there. Earning your own keep and living under your own roof. Why tell me now?"

"I told you, I wasted my time. I wanted to tell you so many times this year, but you had O.W.L.s, and I was afraid you'd say no because it was a distraction and things will be awkward for the rest of the year. And that day in the hospital… I was nervous and on pain meds and you deserved better. Some place romantic. Under the stars, perhaps. I've wasted all these years waiting for the perfect moment. But now I'm just afraid you'll slip away."

Muffled shouts could be heard from the Gryffindor Tower where the drunken party was still going on. She leaned her head on his shoulder. The early summer night air was sweet, fresh from the recent rain showers. She wished they could stay here, frozen in time. Just sitting underneath the heavens.

"The first time I saw you," she broke the silence, "like really, really, looked at you, not just as a name, was right after Quidditch tryouts my second year. I had a crush on Louis before that, you know."

"You did? That charismatic bastard," he laughed.

"That was before he got together with June, and then I realized that I really only liked this Louis that my first impression constructed for me. I saw him floating out on the Quidditch pitch with this dreamy look on his face, totally lost someplace magical—But we both know that isn't Louis."

"If you're worried that I'm only after you because I like the idea of you, I don't think you have to. You said your first impression of me was at the Quidditch tryouts. Mine was too. The way you flew, so determined, so passionate, so much love for the sport. I wanted to know more from the very instant that I met you. I guess I'm only now realizing it."

"I have to confess something as well." Andrea licked her lips. "That time at my tryouts, I know Eli asked you guys for help on evaluating the players. I was looking for him after the tryouts, and I heard you guys talking in the shed. Everything was so muffled. I could tell when Fred and Eli talked, but you and Louis never addressed each other by name."

"I remember. Louis wanted June on the team because he fancied her. I thought you should be Chaser too, because you flew with all your might and I could see the sparks in your eyes. You were a raw diamond, waiting to be sculpted into something breathtaking."

Andrea let out a long breath. The question she didn't know she had for four years answered. Somehow, she wasn't surprised. James was the passionate one, who valued his heart's decisions five times more than what he was told. He must have been really nervous if he waited all that time to open up to her about this.

"I've liked you too. For a long time," she shaped the words carefully. "I'm not sure when exactly I started to, but I have. I started loving seeing you in the library, at Quidditch, at parties. Everything was better when you were there. I don't know how the next two years of Hogwarts will be different without you…and I don't really want to know. That's why. That's why I never said anything. I'm actually really scared that right now, this is a dream and it'll be over before I know it."

"Is this your answer?"

She looked into his eyes. In the black night, his unreadable brown eyes darkened. In one fluid motion, she laced her fingers into his hair and brought his lips down to meet hers. Swiftly reacting, James cupped her face with his hands. Lips caressed lips, first gently and tentatively, then bolder.

"Yes," she whispered, in between kisses.

They melted together, his fingers tangled in her hair and her legs swung over his lap.

Kissing James Potter was just like flying.

[xvi.

Platform 9¾ was crowded as always on the day that students return or arrive at Hogwarts for a new school year. Katie stood behind their dad's wheelchair, pushing him along as Andrea pushed her cart. They stopped in front of the train, and silently looked at each other. Andrea played with her gloves. It was harder to say goodbye this time.

She leaned down to hug her dad first. "Bye dad. Take good care of yourself. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too sweetie," her dad patted her on the back and released her.

Andrea looked at Katie. Her gray ministry coat flapped as wind blew through the train station. Katie officially worked at the ministry now, holding a low position of some sorts, but Andrea expected that in a few years, Katie would have worked her way up to a pretty impressive position.

"I'll take care of dad. Don't worry," Katie said.

"You better. You live together now. Dad first over work, okay?"

Katie rolled her eyes, "I still have to support this family, don't I?"

"Dad first," Andrea insisted.

Katie put her palm on Andrea's shoulder. "Stop worrying. Go focus on your school stuff. Catch a train."

"Bye," Andrea mumbled.

"Oh look, there's your boyfriend," Katie nodded towards the Potter Clan. "Go make out with him or something."

Andrea flushed, "Shut up, Katie," she snapped. Nevertheless, she waved a last goodbye to her family and started walking away. James noticed her and motioned for her to follow him behind a pillar.

He wrapped her in a hug immediately, hiding his face in her hair. "Write me, yeah?"

"Of course," she whispered back.

"I know there's two more years and it seems like forever, but promise me you won't go and waltz away with another guy?"

"You're the one who's going to be out in the 'real world', meeting people. I don't think I'm going to waltz away anytime soon."

"I don't know if there's ever going to be anybody else, Russet."

"I may love you," she warned. What she meant was she was already heads over heels falling and falling, and if he let go, she didn't know how she was going to ever climb out of the hole.

James grinned but she knew he understood. "Convenient. I feel the same way," he pulled her back in for one last kiss. "Write me," he said again.

"Write back," she murmured.

[xvii.

 _5 years later_

Aurors marched into St. Mungos. They were dressed in normal civilian clothing, but the look on their faces screamed authority. James Potter, captain of the team, flashed his badge and identification at the receptionist. "Activate the Project Russet, please." The receptionist squeaked and pressed a button, then hurried to gather all the patients in the lobby into a nearby hall. When everyone was safely out of the way, she closed the door. Immediately, the other Aurors disguised themselves so they resembled the patients that just left. Abby Capra, newest member on the team, took the vacant position behind the reception desk.

"So, are you going to do it?" She asked James, who was still leaning against the table.

"Yeah," he patted his pocket, checking for the box.

Abby rolled her eyes, "You bought that thing 5 months ago. She's bound to have wondered."

"I was just waiting for the right moment."

"I see. So naturally the right moment is when we're on duty ambushing a wanted criminal, and she's working at the place of said ambush."

"Exactly," he grinned and walked towards the stairs.

"Treat her like a diamond, James Potter," Abby called after him. "She's unbreakable but that doesn't mean you don't treasure her like the jewel she is. She doesn't deserve heartbreak. Not from you."

James turned and smiled softly. "I know."

* * *

 **AN: So I wrote this story over a loooong period of time. I think I first conceptualized it three years ago? My writing style changed as I was writing this, as did my ideas for what I wanted to happen. So if you see mistakes please don't yell at me, just leave a reveiw or two! Personally, I'm just glad I'm finished.**

 **Date Completed: May 12th, 2015**


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